Compliments vs. Thanks

The Thought Engine is roaring at full speed today. Here is another thing that has been on my mind since last night, when I was acting Roadie for the IVCF Skit/Gift night.

First, let me start with a definition (this is my definition, I don't have a dictionary handy):

Complement v/n: a comment made form one person to another indicating that the recipient has not only met the standard, but that they have exceeded the standard and have done better than what was expected or required.

Thanks v/n: An expression of gratitude for an effort made, regardless of its quality or inherent value.

On Compliments:

I have a couple of problems with them. The first is that they are often done out of flattery, and flattery is absolutely useless to me. The second problem is that one person's idea of what is extraordinary and above the standard does not always align with what another person's idea of what is above the standard. The third is that I hate when they are done in a public manner, because they feel...patronizing. If someone were to seriously sit down with me and compliment what I have done, then that is different. My gripe is about public compliments.

As an example, I remember someone complemented me for "being brave" and stuff like that when I went up to read poetry (probably because I sometimes stammer or screw lines up, and so they think that me going up there is an act of bravery because I sound like somebody who is terrified of public speaking). I don't give a crap about whether I'm brave or not, that's besides the point. I didn't go up on stage to be "brave" I went up there to read my poem and get the point across! I went there because God called me to, and I need to be sure that I did a good job doing it. So telling me I was brave isn't helping me do a good job.

And, I have to admit, I do appreciate complements on what I create itself. It is my hope that perhaps in the future I will be able to do things that are worthy of compliments. Given how high I set the standard for myself, I doubt that time will ever come. I guess what I mean to say is that I use how I am right now as the standard. So if I do a great guitar lick on stage, I would consider that compliment worthy because I have never done it before. Now that the bar is raised, I wold expect no compliments if I did it again. I don't compare myself to people other than me.

I guess my point is, unless I have done something you deem truly extraordinary, do not compliment me out of hand in public. Compliment me because I did something that moved you or because you thought it was awesome, and compliment me in private, because the most honest, flattery-free kind of compliments are done where no one else can see. If something as easy as moving boxes is awesome to you...you must be easily impressed, in which case you should come listen to me play guitar sometime. I'll have a small following of groupies in no time :D

Really, I think the only person that deserves public complements and praise is God. Because God does the impossible every day. So if you are about to give me some kind of public praise...praise God instead.


On Criticism:

If there is one great thing about criticism, it is that it is never flattering, so it can be done publicly or privately, though doing it publicly is humiliating on the part of the recipient of criticism. I take pride in my work, and so I value constructive criticism above all things, because it helps me do my job better. If you are telling me things which will help make me do my job better, please, by all means speak up. Nobody criticized me for how I moved stuff, because that's a pretty hard job to mess up *smiling* but if they did, I would try to do it better. But I would no more want someone to tell me "You move boxes great!" publicly anymore than I would want them to say "You suck at moving boxes" publicly.


On to Thanks.

I see thanks as being different. "Thanks" means that the person was happy that you did something regardless of what it was and doesn't imply that you are somehow great or exceeding the standard. What it means is that the person sees that you care and did something. Thanks is something I am willing to accept, even if I was only doing some basic thing. Some people have thanked me, like Grace, Mitch, and Jen (for some reason...). I greatly appreciate this and take it to heart. I like it when I am recognized for what I have done without it being glorified, flattered, or patronized with unnecessary or public complements.

I feel it is also easier for me to remain humble when given thanks instead of complements.

So, for those I in turn thank people for their thanks. Thank you for having something for me to do for the kingdom, even if it was only something as rudimentary as moving mics and speakers around. It is my hope that someday, I will be able to do even more.