For a while, I had been wanting to play with the worship team but couldn't, and it frustrated me. I then realized that God had made it so I couldn't play at IV to humble me, and that I should be patient and wait for God to offer me the privilege of going up there and serving others. Tonight, he offered it to me in the form of a green rhythm egg, and I in my false humility rejected it. *pious voice* "Surely when God called me he would have me play the instrument that he has been training me in." And so I said, to my shame and regret "When I go up and play, I'll do it with my guitar." It hurts even to type it now.
I picked up the Psalms, which say to worship the Lord with all my soul. I didn't need to even see the ones talking about worship to remember them- I knew they were there, in my heart, calling out to me to stop being a fool. I had the feeling I was missing something huge. And I realized God had offered me what I had been asking for...but not in the way I had envisioned it.
The problem is, we are supposed to live by faith, not by sight. But I practically have a pair of night-vision binoculars strapped duct-taped to my forehead. God tells me he is going to do something with my life. Then comes the delusions of grandeur, and they are easy enough to identify and knock down. But then there are these small ones that slip through...and before I know it, I wind up believing them, convinced that this is the way God is going to use me.
God really is so good. I was so convinced that when I was to be called to go up there (when I was skilled enough, of course- because we all know that God demands perfection! *sarcasm*), I would do so with my electric guitar, my cool effects pedals and my ridiculous hair...and I get handed a green rhythm egg...looking back on it, it's actually hilarious, and I'm laughing about it now. God certainly has a sense of humor. The problem is, I don't always catch the joke.
The Proverbs say, "In his heart a man determines his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
The Proverbs say again "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." I praise the Lord that he is not content to let me go running into places I do not belong. Amen. Guide me Lord Jesus.
Writer's Note: I spent the my first IV worship service playing an un-amplified bongo and tapping a tambourine with a stick. And it was awesome.
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Remember I told you that I've known what God has called me to do since 1991? Well, in 1993 He led me to be part of a small group where the "leader" was 14..I was 23. It was initially difficult because I didn't agree with some of his beliefs and was convinced that they were due to his reasonable immaturity. God really humbled me and once I accepted that God had placed me there to test me and whether or not I would catch what He was saying through someone seemingly less mature than me...I learned a lot. Now that leader runs East Coast Aflame...you probably know Christian Dunn..right? My point is..rhythm egg or guitar..it's all good. I know you know that. Just confirming. Isn't it funny how we learn similar lessons but they are so personalized? God is amazing!
I love you, David.
I'll keep sending lessons for you to learn. The green egg will be offered to you again!
-God
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