Samson

I asked God if he could indulge my desire to write a song about Samson. I see Samson as a sad story. He was a judge and a killer, but I think all he really wanted was to have a family like me. In that way, I feel like Samson. So strong and set apart, but at the same time so alone and yearning for something simple and fulfilling.

I don’t want to be like Samson and let my pride cause me to take God for granted. I don’t want to be like Samson and let my pride cause me to take things before their time, like when he slept with the prostitute or was with Delilah. Samson’s eyes were put out long before the Philistines removed them; he lost them when he went to the prostitute and murdered his own dream by trying to take hold of the wrong thing at the wrong time. He became blind in the spirit, and eventually, how he was in the spirit manifested on this earth. He became blind to danger, to his pride and forgot his errors in the past, and repeated the same mistake with Delilah that he did with his first wife (Timnah?), only this time it cost him his real eyes.

At the end of his life, Samson had made too many mistakes. He was past the point of family and past the point of freedom. Time, and how he wasted it with his pride had taken them away. He had his blindness, his re-growing hair, and his chains. He was in a place to do only one thing, and it fell so far short of what his life could have been. The only thing that he could do, the best that he could do, was bring that temple down, and die with it. So he finally died to himself and asked God to help him do it. It was only when Samson's spiritual blindness was brought to his attention in a grisly way and his status stripped from him as a prisoner that he was willing to do the one thing he should have done far earlier: let his pride die. Die to himself. When Samson destroyed the pillar, he wasn't just taking a temple out and killing a bunch of people in it; he was, finally, dying to himself. It was too late for that to give him what he could have had, but it was enough for him to achieve the greatest thing that he could in that final moment of his life.

And in some ways, that is the most important thing. We cannot dwell on the time we have lost. I went through a few days at sand camp and then when I asked the right question, God gave me a revelation that I wish I had discovered before I went away to sand camp. But I can't worry about how my experience might have been better if I had only done x y and z. What I have to do is ask myself, "What is the best thing I can do right now?"

Christ referred to his body as a temple. There is a verse somewhere that says something about hating oneself. I think that I am beginning to understand what that means. It does not mean "hate who you are" or "hate your body" or "hate your likes and dislikes" or "hate your personality" or "hate your calling" or any of these. What it means is, "hate your pride and everything it stands for within you". I feel like there is a connection to our bodies, which are referred to as temples, and this idea of being willing to "hate" or "die to oneself". I believe that this idea that the body is a temple is not just a physical reference, but a spiritual one as well. Christ was the only one of the face of the earth who fully hated and died to himself, and yet there was nothing about him that he should hate. He was willing to die like a criminal and accept charges against him even though they were not true. This is a divine paradox. God is all about truth and not accepting things that are incorrect. I mean, this is the same God who has told me very clearly "Praise me" and deserves it 100%. Yet, this one time, Christ was willing to take this one injustice,this one insult and apply it to himself, the one who deserved it least in the universe. He took all wisdom and nailed it to a cross, declaring that Love is greater than Wisdom.

And he did it for me.

"And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:15

"Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
John 12:23-25

A Song

No one will probably be able to see it on their computers, but I wrote a song in Chinese and want to share it with y'all...even if it only shows up as little hollow boxes...

爱在这里

我躺下的时候

爱在这里，爱在这里

我起来的时候

爱在这里爱在这里

每天我看见爱

从天堂像雨一样飘下来

如果我听我看

爱就会出现

从东到西

爱在这里, 爱在这里

从北到南

爱在这里,爱在这里

虽然痛苦偷袭

但是我不会恐惧

我走在爱的路上

永不迷惘

Translation:


When I lie down
Love is here, love is here
When I arise
Love is here, love is here

Every day I see love
Drift down from heaven like rain
If I listen, I will see
Love will appear

From the East to the West
Love is here, love is here
From the North to the South
Love is here, love is here

Although pain waits in ambush
I will not be afraid
I will walk the path of love
Forever, without confusion


Some things in the written Chinese are implied idiomatically or poetically and not openly stated. I needed to the teacher's help a lot on this... apparently the way I wrote it (which was much more..."to the point" in terms of prose) was not very poetic/ Chinese sounding.

I find it funny that the Chinese also try to rhyme their poetry...from learning Chinese I have realized that, actually, there is far, far, far less of a difference between humans than we are inclined to think. Really we are the same in so many ways...it just so happens that different cultures went in different directions. As far as I am concerned, China could have wound up being the "Christian/Capitalist" bunch (I of course am using the term "Christian" VERY loosely...) and we could have been the "Atheist/Communist" bunch. It just so happens...it turned out this way.

Fun fact: When Marco Polo went to China, the then-leaders wanted him to bring back Christians to teach Christianity throughout the country...but there was a squabble in the papacy that controlled the church at that time, and only two dudes went, and one went back home along the way due to illness...I don't remember what happened to the other guy. Imagine if the church had had its act together...the world would be so different.

Shocker!

This is just kind of a general announcement that I will be soon changing my major from Geology to Basket Weaving, er, I mean, East Asian Studies. I have found that while I think rocks are neat and I like Geology conceptually, I just can't stand it (or science in general) in practice. I believe Einstein sums it up best when he says that science as an interest and a hobby is a wonderful thing, but actually pursuing it and being involved in the process ruins it for you in some ways. This is true with me. I will get a Minor in Geology and be on my merry way into a major with no known outcome...but that's OK, because I know that God will take care of me as he has continually this year and I am not going to sweat it. I am going to do what I like, and I know that what I put my hand to, God will bless. I was strongly considering changing my major last semester, but got cold feet and moreover decided to at least finish the year with geology and see how I felt about it.

The irony is this: I am more likely to graduate on time now that I have decided to change my major than if I had stuck with Geology. Funny? You bet!

Also, I will be going to China next winter and currently have about 1/2 the cost covered in a $300 down payment I made and the $2,200 scholarship that I got to go to China. Between all the different costs including tuition for the classes I will be taking, it will be about $5,000 (just for the study abroad trip in winter session), so I am already halfway there. Things have become complicated, however, as the gravy train has more or less ground to a halt and I will not be receiving help for tuition or rent from my family this year. Therefore, this paragraph is a shameless advertisement for my cause, and if anyone wants to sow into my education, I would be very grateful.

So. Anyway. East Asian Studies. Whoohoo!

Keith Freaking Richards

At the Lakeland FL revival that I was at recently, Todd had a word of knowledge about Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. If I am not mistaken, they have since talked on the phone together, but this is the only thing I could scrounge up at the moment:

“Last night Todd made a strong statement about Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Yes, you heard me right. I was so shocked by the detail that I wrote down exactly what Todd said and the time he said it. At 8:55 Eastern Standard Time on 5/1/2008, Todd gave a word of knowledge that Keith was watching the revival from a borough of London and that he was wearing a maroon colored shirt. He said that he was caught up in the worship and something about God reaching out to him. It was definitely a step out on the water, if you know what I mean. This should be something that can eventually be independently verified as being true or false.”\

I received a comment from Hannah today stating this:

“Todd actually followed up on the Keith Richards thing last night (May 2). A Hollywood director called Todd and told him that Keith WAS watching the night that Todd gave the word of knowldge…because Keith called her and told her (the Hollywood director) that he had just heard Todd Bentley talking about him.”

I mean, seriously. Keith Freaking Richards. Do you know how awesome it would be if he got saved? A friend of mine from VCF, Melissa, thinks that Ozzy Ozbourne and Eminem are going to get saved. Honestly, I have a feeling they will.

God is like...a good beef stew

I love God. He made everything, and since everything exists to glorify him, it seems that there is little that he cannot give you a better understanding of him through. Case in point: I was eating at a wonderful place called "A Piece of Ireland" with some friends of mine and, clearly led by the Lord, I ordered the Guinness Beef Stew. It was the most delicious stew I have ever eaten. After that great meal, I went down to The Gathering, a youth conference being held by a local church called "Vineyard Christian Fellowship" (some of you may vaguely remember this as the place where I participated in an outreach event called Liquid Love).

So, I was laying down and just soaking in the Lord's presence. The worship team started playing Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken" which almost always stirs my heart up, and then this revelation hit me like a sack of golden potatoes:

"God is like a good beef stew."

I proceeded to seize my notebook and furiously expand on this lovely nugget of understanding and felt lead to share it (because revelation is also like a good beef stew, in that it should be shared!). For those of you who either do not know what beef stew is, or find it so disgusting that you can't get anything out of this note, my apologies and prayers go with you (apologies that this note isn't for you, and prayers that you will see the light and eat/enjoy beef stew). But hopefully everyone else will get it.

So. God is like a good beef stew. The beef is kind of like the power and authority of God that we have as adopted sons and daughters; it has more flavor than the other things in the stew like the potatoes and carrots by themselves, and is on the whole a much more attractive morsel on its own. The beef is also like the power in that the only way that we could have it is by something being sacrificed; Christ's blood had to be shed in order for the authority over the enemy and creation to be given over us so that we may deliver the oppressed, heal the sick, and do many other spiritually miraculous things besides. It is also like the beef in that beef, in older times, was a rarity that required labor to have in your food. If you wanted beef, you had better be willing to work a few extra hours that week to get something other than pork or chicken in there. The same is with the power. You don't get it without practice and working at your gift. And, finally, the beef helps you build muscle, it makes you strong (yes this is circular..."ingesting power makes you powerful!"... but this should be a no-brainer). You'll never build muscle on celery. And really, you just can't have beef stew without beef. I mean, man alive, it's in the name of the dish!

The character of God is like the potatoes and carrots. It's like the potatoes because, like potatoes, God is simply...good. He just is. Potatoes are the same way. They're just good. For lots of reasons, mostly having to do with taste and how they compliment other things. At the same time, his character is also like the carrots, because they help us to see better (I credit this particular bit to my friend Nate Krause, who mentioned this when I told this to him today). If that last sentence didn't strike you, read it again because it's deep. And next, we return to the circular thing, because the carrots and any other veggies in there are actually good for you and nourishing to your body, providing nutrients it needs that the beef can't provide. And, really, you just can't have beef stew without carrots and 'taters, because honestly who has ever heard of such a thing? You couldn't call it stew without carrots and 'taters. They go together with the beef like...well, like beef carrots and potatoes in a stew (besides, using "like peanut butter and jelly" as a simile is just lame). The other reason being if all you ever have is straight beef in your stew, you'll get fat and unhealthy. You need some (relatively) healthy stuff in there taking up space.

But here's the thing that makes all of this special: His love is like the gravy that saturates everything, and what makes stew special and different from everything else. Without the gravy, there is no stew and there is no seasoning. The gravy is the most key and special part of the stew. A stew lives or dies on its gravy. Without the gravy, the potatoes are just potatoes, the carrots are just carrots, and the beef is just plain hunks of meat. And sure, those things nourish, but here's the rub: God doesn't want us to just live and sustain ourselves to the end of our race here. Does he want us to endure? Yes. Without a doubt. But he also wants us to live to the fullest and most awesome experience we are willing to have the faith for. When you order a stew, you don't get it to gulp it down quick and wash it down with soda before the taste of it can sink into your tongue like some of the dining hall food around here. You get it because it's delicious in all it's gravy saturated goodness. And speaking of saturation, there's another reason why his love is like the gravy; in order for the other stuff to really be a part of the stew, they have to soak in that gravy, until it's permeated everything in that stew, so that the savory flavor is in everything and not a single bite is without that delicious flavor.

So...

If you're being served a God who's like a stew without beef, send it back and get some beef in there.

If you're being served a God who's like a stew with no 'taters and veggies, send it back and get some 'taters and veggies in there.

If you're being served a God who's like a stew with no gravy...smack your server upside the head and send it back. I mean...seriously. They should know better. And I might even say to never go back to that restaurant again... because if they don't know that gravy is supposed to be in stew, then that's one messed up place. Maybe you can learn how to make stew yourself and come back one day to teach them (if they're willing to learn)...but until then, avoid that establishment like the plague!

So thanks for readin'...man am I hungry now. All of this talk of 'taters and stews...

Author's Note: The comment about backhanding your server is meant to be figurative. It is not nice to slap your waitresses, not to mention illegal and Not Very Nice and/or Biblical.

The Florida Outpouring

I recently returned from an incredible experience of the revival that's going on in Lakeland, FL. There have been many healings and when I went down there with my holy family, it really was an incredible experience, and the Lord really helped to break off a lot of things within me. You the revival has grown from a single church called Ignite Church to a larger church (they couldn't contain the people there) to the city's convention center, and soon it is possible that this will expand into a stadium. This revival has reached globally through the service of God TV and is really an awesome thing. The services are every day from 7-11 PM, and you can watch on us.god.tv or you can go to Todd Bentley's website www.freshfire.ca and follow the links to watch the revival breaking out there. This isn't televangelist nonsense, this isn't "charismania" shenanigans, this is the real presence of God, working mightily on this earth through his servant Todd and many others who have done the work of the Lord and are open to be used by Him.

What's the problem?

The problem is that the church has an appearance of godliness but is lacking in the power. The things of God that were all throughout the ancient church, healing, the prophetic, spiritual deliverance, all of those things; where are they now? What happened to Christ's prayer for the saints that they would work GREATER MIRACLES than Christ himself? There is indeed much hypocrisy, and it goes above and beyond merely natural things like being nice to the poor or lacking moral fiber. Where is the spiritual power?! Canned up by fearful spiritual bean counters who are more interested in theology and arguments than they are about the TRUE character of Christ.

It is easier to not try to perform acts of spiritual power than it is to try and fail because you didn't have the faith for it, and learn a lesson. It is easier to accept your lot and that of other's as "God's will" then to put your faith TO THE TEST and SPEAK into the lives of other people and ours in faith and Christ's name.

All of these things flow and operate out of love. Prophecy apart from love isn't any different from the $25 an hour psychics on Main Street, because while it may reveal things it does not do so for the purpose of love, but for money, which does not reach the heart of the person and edify them (which is the point of prophecy in the New Covenant).

Healing apart from love is a parlor trick, and apart from love there simply is no deliverance from demons because, as Christ said, "How is it that demons are cast out by the prince of demons?" Apart from love all of the things I mentioned are controlled by the demonic and by our sinful nature.

To give someone a prophetic word of encouragement, that IS an act of love, see? It is an expression of love, which is at the center of all things. By attaining love, you attain Christ's character that the church is attempting to make people be (which is what you are addressing) and also Christ's power, which is what I am addressing. Both are necessary.

Just to be clear on what I mean by "prophetic": If you look at the definition of the greek word used by Paul, it can be succinctly summed up as "what God is thinking at a given moment and wants you to say for him," which is anything spoken that edifies others, that is an encouragement (because God loves you 100%). One time, a girl I know came up to me in a coffee shop and just said, "David, I know you really are destined for great things, I can tell God has a big calling on your life, I don't know why I just feel that you do." I know for a fact this person knows little to nothing about the prophetic, but that person gave me a prophetic word.

Nowadays, prophecy is often associated with judgment. That was in the Old Covenant. In the New Covenant, prophecy is positive, and is a gift given to people for the purpose of infusing God's joy, love and mercy directly into people's lives. But the reason why it has been abandoned is because people no longer believe in the power of their words and what they put their faith in.

You have got to understand this: Our words have power. Have you ever heard of something called a self-fulfilling prophecy? They are real. The words you speak into other people's lives have an impact on them. I'm not just talking about when you are speaking to the person. I am talking your prayers, what you say about them when they aren't around, what you think changes the world. If it were not so, then why is it that at the end every man will be held accountable for the words he has spoken? Why is it that sin can be committed long before it manifests in the body and can be spoken to someone? Because it has an affect. But because people do not believe in their own power (because of a bunch of Calvinist garbage that says that everything is sovereign), they do not believe in the power of prophecy, which isn't from people anyway, but is a combined effort of God and man.

But true prayer, true prophecy, and and anything spoken, is something that YOU do...and you do it with God. You put in your two cents, and God puts in his 2 trillion gold bars. But you still put in two cents, and that two cents matters a great deal.

How many times has Christ talked about mustard seed sized faith, and the woman dropping the small coins in the temple offering? Or about the talents that are increased when they are invested in? Our contributions of faith matter a great deal in the kingdom of heaven. If we are not willing to even contribute a little to using the spiritual gifts, then the church is nothing but a foolish virgin standing outside with no oil. We need to be wise virgins and have the abundant oil of the holy spirit and God's anointing.

Stripes

I praised the Lord, that I, my brother Brian and my sister Liz have been proven worthy of persecution. Last night at Saturday Night Alive, my best friend Graham whom I loved betrayed us into the enemy's hands and had the church cast out Brian and Liz, and disallowed them from returning to SNA or Calvary baptist church. While I was not told to leave directly, I was removed by proxy because they knew that I loved Brian and Liz as I love myself, and they know that I would follow them out. I praise the Lord because the division between light and dark has begun, and people are being forced to choose a side; and I give glory to my Father in heaven because indeed those who were once lost in a grey fog are now coming towards His glorious Light and the plan He has in store for them and for this campus.

Revival is coming. What the enemy intended for evil, God has made turn to His good purpose. When the enemy struck out, he was deceived into thinking that he would have the victory; now the Lord will catch him in the trap He has set, because the actions of the enemy are rousing those who must be roused.

Revival is coming.

A Whole New War

I want to, in the beginning, ask for patience on the reader’s part. First and foremost, this is because a human is attempting to convey the knowledge of the Living God, and this is hard to do without allowing one’s flesh to interfere. The second reason I ask for patience is because I want the reader to understand that there are two extremes that will be evident to you as you read this (I hope). The beginning part and the majority of this argues against the extreme of denying the spiritual gifts, but that DOES NOT mean that the other extreme of pursuing solely the gifts will not be addressed, or that I remain unaware of it. I am only human, and cannot say things simultaneously, so something had to come first :) . So, without further ado…

A Whole New War

We are in the midst of a whole new war. Can you not see the glint of spears and armor? Can you not see tattered banners fluttering in the baleful whirlwind of conflict? Do you know that there are legions that clash among us? We are in a whole new war. Paul says in Ephesians that we war “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12). This is a radical war- it is unlike any war ever fought in the universe. It is a war of spirit, a war of truth, a war of love and revelation. It is not a war that can be fought with the weapons of this Earth, but in the end it will conquer it.

In the coming times, we must rouse ourselves from being asleep at our posts and take up the arms with which we are meant to take up entrusted. No more will we cower in fear of our sinful nature, or the past that follows behind us like a shadow, for Christ’s light has banished it from our presence. No more will we cower from lies and threats, both subtle and overt; we will be humble in our acceptance of grace but be bold and ferocious in our authority, for we have become more than just slaves, but have become Sons and Daughters, co-heirs to Christ, and that is born witness by His presence in every one of us. Christ is the supreme authority, and therefore the authority resides within us. When the enemy challenges you and demands on what basis you stand up and give a bold word and strike a blow against his works, tell him you do so by the authority of Christ within you. We are not called to be humble to Satan, but to one another. Humility has its place, as boldness has its place. So in this battle against the evil one, let us be without humility because we owe him no measure of our Lord’s grace, and there is no debt of love to illness, or to demonic oppressors, or to bittersweet lies, but only an outstanding debt of love to one another.

No more should we fear to become like those who take up their arms and instead of fighting alongside the Lord use them for tyranny of people’s souls and betrayal. No soldier throws down his weapon because his fellow has betrayed and fears he will be a betrayer himself! Each man knows in his heart what his intentions are. They are either for the Lord or they are not. Therefore, we must not fear to take up our arms because of someone else’s false intentions. Those who drop their weapons in fear in the midst of a battle are cut down mercilessly, and our enemies are peerless in their blood lust; they give no quarter to the unarmed, and savor cutting the scions of man down without a fight. The scripture says that the enemy is a roaring lion seeking men to devour.

Each one of us has been brought up in this lifetime to wield these weapons in the battle that rages around us; to bring ruination to the works of the enemy with powerful prayers, to mount a stubborn defense with insurmountable faith, to coordinate the fight with key decisions given by wisdom, to instruct and inform through knowledge, to restore the wounded with healing, to glorify our commander through miraculous works, to recruit new warriors into this battle and to send them off with understanding and prophetic words of direction, to see clearly through the distracting haze of the physical and clearly see the spirits of the heavenly realms.

These weapons are not a part of us, any more than a sword or a bow or a staff is a part of our bodies; they have been forged in the Father’s hands out of his Spirit and are given to us according to His will. Each weapon is an aspect of Him who is in us, and through us these weapons are wielded with terrible power. We are given our orders to go to the battlefront, each and every one of us, to wield these weapons we have been handed. With them we train and become strong, and in time they become familiar to our hands. To some one weapon is given which they hone to graceful, deadly perfection and a singular lifelong purpose; to others an arsenal is given, for they are called to many places in the battle line, each weapon more suited than another for the fight at hand. But to each one, the armory remains open, and should anyone be poorly matched against the enemy or an opportunity be opened to a specific one, there is not a weapon that cannot be taken and used in God’s name. Never will you be unable to pray powerfully for a man’s healing. Never will you, in the absence of wisdom lack for a chance for powerful insight. Never will miracles of provision be beyond your reach. Never will prophetic words of knowledge be too secret for you to hear. All that is required is the faith to use them, and that you use them in accordance with the Lord’s leading and timing. Not every person is skilled with every weapon, but every person is lead to see it and its use in the basic sense; for a soldier who does not understand every weapon available at his or her disposal can be defeated when in a situation that calls for something unexpected; improvisation is key on a battlefield which is always in a state of flux. Has there ever been a soldier on the battlefront who declared a day in the fighting was “business as usual”? What soldier trained in the use of bows will refrain from taking up an unfamiliar staff when the enemy is too close? Who will not pick up the staff simply because he is unfamiliar with it allow himself to be cut down? Which should we be more concerned of, our ineptness with a weapon or our destruction if we do not take it up and fight? The answer seems clear enough. If we allow the enemy to take us and other people out spiritually, then that is tome not spent doing good for His kingdom. In some cases, it could be permanent.

In our training and closeness with our weapon, we should not grow in arrogance and be assured of our superiority. For even though each weapon is mighty in its own right, how can one be compared in greatness to another? What soldier on Earth hates to hear the sound of friendly cavalry arriving for the decisive charge? Though the knight serves a different purpose, how can he have contempt for the men on foot, who are needed to stay the course when the fighting is thick and close? We must not deride others for their gifts and their place on the battlefield. Each is given what he has according to God’s design, and shouldn’t chasten one for carrying a weapon they do not understand. This is why understanding of each gift is so critical, so that each soldier will have respect for the other and recognize the other’s legitimate place on the battlefield. We are assigned to our place on the battlefront with a purpose, and each man’s purpose is according to God’s will. This is very clearly laid out in 1 Corinthians 12.

There is another key thing that we must have in this battle, and that is the Armor of God. A soldier will not last long on the battlefield without armor to protect himself from the rigors of combat. Paul clearly spells out what these components are in Ephesians 6:13-17:

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Now that last one is interesting. I have been talking about arming yourself with weapons- and here Paul talks about how the Word of God is a weapon literally (which kind of places what he specifically says is a weapon above mine, if we are going to be technical about it). So at the least, we know that the word is a weapon. That is without a doubt true- but it is not the sole weapon we are meant to handle. Paul says that “we should eagerly desire the spiritual gifts” in 1 Corinthians 14.

So which, then is our weapon? The answer is both. The weapon of scripture, our sword, is always available to everyone. The advantage of scripture as a weapon lies in its concrete nature, and that it does not require much faith to wield- reading a book does not require strong faith. But we are called to live lives of faithfulness, and we must take up the responsibility of searching for and training in the use of our gifts. He goes on to say that these gifts should be used in an orderly way, and that is right; each weapon has its own specific application and purpose, and should be used at appropriate points. Archers do not open fire en masse when the battle is joined so that they don’t slay their friends in the melee. Each Christian should know the appropriate and timely application of his or her gift, or begin to learn to discern when that is. The Word is always necessary, but not always useful; it many ways the Word is like a short sword that every man carries at his side as a backup. Everyone from knights to archers all usually carry a short sword at their side, a weapon that is readily available to every soldier. In some cases, this weapon is not appropriate, or is one we are not trained well in, or to a degree are meant to. For which is the archer trained, in the use of his bow or in the use of his sword? Which ability is more important for his use on the battlefield? Why would he be commissioned a bow if it were unimportant? But there are some soldiers whose sole purpose is to use the sword, and that is their primary weapon entirely. Some people wield scripture better than others, that is the nature of things. But it does not take away from its usefulness or accessibility. Like all gifts, the Word should be used when one is most appropriately lead. We have all heard of the infamous “Bible bashing”. I in my love for scripture am sometimes guilty of it myself. The scripture is not always the direct solution.

Of course, all of these things are good and well. The powers and gifts we not only should use, but must use in order to be as effective as possible. We must understand that some are given many gifts, and others few, and some this kind and others that, but all are for a good purpose. We know that equally important is development of character that creates a thick and sturdy defense against the temptations and attacks of the enemy. But all of these things are meaningless in the end if there are not driven by love. Paul famously writes in 1 Corinthians 13 that:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

No matter what you are doing- performing spiritual gifts in Christ’s name, performing acts of service, teaching through scripture, it doesn’t matter. God is Love. And if we have not Love (and therefore God) it is nothing. In all that you do, ensure that it points back to Christ in you. It does not have to be directly stated- but it must be made understood in some way, that love is what has driven whatever it is that you are doing. If it is not, then draw near to the Lord and it will be so.

Whatever your stance is on this, do not fall prey to fear. Some fear that if they pursue the gifts, it will be over a cliff and to their on destruction, that they will forget their first love. Others fear that they will be stripped of the Lord’s presence and what special things he has in store for them. Neither of those people must heed those fears, but heed the Lord and his scripture, and its example.

So, then, my brothers, my sisters in arms…go, seek your gifts, use your gifts, be sure that your armor is secure, and do both in Love!

I want to offer a special thanks for this note- it is inspired from the writings of Paul in 1 Corinthians 12/Ephesians 6 and also from Jason Upton’s song “Lion of Judah” from “Between Earth and Sky”.

Let the Lion of Judah roar from Zion and shake nations to their knees!

Amen Lord, shake up this world.

Humanism, Christianity, and the Poor

A pre-note comment: I don't expect too many people here to agree with me. I expect to be misunderstood, and maybe even disliked for what I am about to say, because it isn't popular with all of the humanism prevalent in the church nowadays. I expect to be called selfish, burgeoise, someone trying to justify the flesh. But I'm going to let this one fly...because I feel it is the right thing to do. My God tells me to be bold...so that's what I'm going to be.

On with the note.


I walked away this Friday incredibly disappointed. It's amazing how I spent literally 90% of the time not even there at IV large group, on the couch in the lounge down the hall. I read Colossians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Philipians (though I read Philipians rather quickly), and was starting to read Hebrews/Titus before I went and took a peek at what was going on inside. The point of that last sentence not serving to glorify me in some way for doing what every Christian should (read scripture) but just to let people in on what I had just come from doing when I showed up at large group towards the end.

Just going in to see things for a few minutes brought me down. It was some movie/interview of the author of some book called the Irresistible Revolution...I forget his name...anyway, they were talking about the poor and such. It got me mad- but not in maybe the way most would expect. I didn't rage against injustice, or want to tear my leather jacket apart in disgust- I got mad because I feel like there is this continual effort to shame people who are white, or people who have more than others, or people who are more educated. I remain unrepentant for being white, getting a college education and not serving in a soup kitchen every weekend, and that makes me a bad guy. There's a lot of reasons why I'm unrepentant, however. The little snippet of the movie I watched gave me plenty of reasons not to submit myself to this guy's message.

The first thing that was talked about was statistics...I hate statistics. They are almost invariably twisted to be seen in an extreme way. One of the ones raised directly by the author himself was that 86% of Christians believe Jesus spent a lot of time with the poor and yet less than 1% of Christians actually do...where the did they get that statistic from? How many Christians in America who call themselves such actually act on their faith anyway? Did they bother to interview any non-American Christians (you know, like the ones in poor countries around the world)? What about poor Christians? Did they interview those? How did you define "Christian" when you interviewed/questionnaired people? What kind of Christians did they interview? Where was the area of people that you interviewed? All of the Christians with phones to call or something, who also happen to live in America, the richest country in the world, where the line between "rich" and "poor" is incredibly hazy? There's another statistic that got brought up in the fall (or maybe I got it from somewhere else)- If I recall it correctly, it says that if you own a car you're in the top 5% richest in the world. I know a lot of desperate people in this country who own cars.

How would I have been able to answer that question? I would consider myself to be poor. Others would consider me to be rich. Unfortunately, I'm just rich enough to have a roof over my head and to be in college and just poor enough that I start to sweat and pray at the end of the month when rent money is due (or when the University starts asking for tuition money while holding my registration hostage). Just rich enough to be accused of inaction and insensitivity and just poor enough to feel ticked about it. How do you ask a person like me "if I have ever been around poor people" when I consider myself to be one?

The thing that made my gut turn was when this author guy goes and dumps loose change on Wall Street for the beggars to pick up, saying "this money belongs to them." If I were going to give a man money, I wouldn't make him crawl on the ground and scrounge for it, that's the most sick thing I've ever seen. Last I checked, most soup kitchens serve people at a table with silverware, they don't make them slurp it off of the floor. I would serve him quietly and humbly as I have served homeless people in the past when I lacked boldness to talk to them (which, I will admit, is my failure). I would rather pray for that man than blast a megaphone at deaf ears and dump change on the ground and do empty righteous things hiding behind the name of Love. The man marched around and had people stand with signs that say "love" on them but where is the "IN CHRIST" at the end?

But since we are Christians and should base our tantrums and "opinions" in scripture, I might as well go through the scripture and gospels systematically. The first thing I ran into was the Beatitudes. In their continuation in Matthew chapter 6, Christ says:

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward before your father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets [that megaphone sure looked like a trumpet], as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

When justifying himself to John who was in chains, among other things Christ said "and the good news is preached to the poor." He did NOT say "and the poor have become comfortable and well-adjusted." The good news is preached to the poor to give them hope in their poverty. He was speaking straight to the poor when he said, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

When Christ fed the five thousand men and the four thousand men and their families, he fed them because he was responsible and had brought them into a wild place where they could not get food (most notably in the second instance). Also note that Christ used a miracle to feed these people- he used it as an opportunity to display God's almighty power.

In the movie, they talk about the really uneven distribution of wealth in the world...what the in the Lord's name does that have to do with Christ. Christ never went to a beggar and said "here's a dime" or "rejoice, for the rich will surely give you some of their wealth". He went to beggars and said "Your sins are forgiven" and "Your faith has made you well" and "You are healed" and "Get up and walk". I hate how people harp on the rich and say all of this stuff about rich people, camels, and the eyes of needles. Here's a little statistic for you: If 2% of the world is rich and 98% of the world is poor like the statistics say, why are we browbeating the rich so much when the other 98% aren't getting the message they need, hmm? Someone must minister to the rich and urge them towards Christ so that they are then driven to compassion for the less fortunate by the Holy Spirit. The problem is in the way that the rich are addressed. When you evangelize, you meet people where they are. It would make more sense to me if the now incredibly rich author of “The Purpose Driven Life” were to come to me talking about altruism and acted on it, not somebody pretending to be poor.

What Jesus said is true. It IS easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. What people forget is that this also applies to EVERYONE. If that were not true, then Jesus would have been handing out money to the poor, not salvation and grace. We are all equally guilty. Christ had it right; he centered his ministry on the things that mattered: People's physical health (to display the power of God) and mental health (also to display the power of God by driving out demons), and the condition of their hearts, their state before the Judge, which are eternally important things. Not their comforts.

Christ was not addressing the rich man's richness for the poor man's sake when he told the rich man to get rid of his possessions. He was addressing the rich man's richness for the rich man's sake, for the rich man to be saved! Hopefully somebody is following me on this. In the books of the New Testament, in 1 Timothy Paul charges Timothy to be careful about what widows he supports in their poverty and what ones he does not. In the same letter, Paul tells Timothy that the women should not dress richly (2:9-10) and later says that men in the church should not be "lovers of money" (3:3). Paul says in 2 Timothy that there will be people in the end times who, "have a form of godliness but denying its power" (3:5). THAT is Humanism, my dear brothers and sisters. Be wary of doing righteous acts but denying the power of God and the Holy Spirit by not following them FIRST. Otherwise, we become hollow and everything we do is meaningless in the end. Don't be driven by the desire to do good; be driven by your love for God and out of a compulsion to conform yourselves to our Lord Jesus Christ. Repent of Humanistic attitudes and remember who has the power in your life, and who drives you towards salvation.

Here’s another Biblical curveball: In Matthew 26:6-13 a woman pours a bottle of pure nard, worth an immense amount of money (over a year’s worth of wages) on Christ’s head. Some chasten her, saying it is a waste, that the money from selling that bottle could have gone to the poor. Then Christ says something surprising: “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” Wow. What a selfish jerk that Jesus guy was for letting a $21,000 bottle of oil (the average layman’s yearly wage in the US, according to yesterday’s movie) be dumped on his head instead of giving the money to the poor.

What I am saying in all of this is:

Care for the poor. Do not flaunt your wealth if you have it. Give cheerfully, and generously. Do not give preferential treatment to the rich (James 2:1-13). Do not be hard on the poor under you and oppress them (James 5:4-6). And, finally, if you have not done these things DO NOT CONDEMN YOURSELF FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVE NOT DONE, AND DO NOT ACCEPT CONDEMNATION FROM ANY MAN FOR IT. Conviction serves to lift you up and set you firm in Christ. Condemnation serves to cripple you with shame and force you to become a giver, a slave to the law, regardless of the condition of your heart.

When Christ admonishes the rich church of Laodicea in Revelations, he does not chasten them for their richness, but their ATTITUDE in their richness: "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' " Christ later tells them "I counsel you to buy gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; white clothes to wear so that you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see."

Therefore, we are not meant to be ashamed of wealth, but ashamed of a bad attitude developed in wealth. We must be tested- "But He knows the way I take; when he has tested me I will come forth as gold" (Job 23:10). We must put on righteousness- "Rather, clothe yourselves in Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Rom 13:14). We must have our eyes opened to scripture and to what God is doing, through prayer and the Holy Spirit. This is what the rich must do. Coincidentally, these things are things which all believers, rich and poor, must do in Christ.

Here is another verse about what we have: “Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)

Let me bring up another verse that will blow your mind after listening to that guy last night. Paul writes in 1 Timothy:

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

Did Paul and the writer of Ecclesiastes (Solomon?) just tell me that my (relatively) comfortable life is OK as long as I don't abandon my pursuit of Christ for gratuitous and unnecessary riches?! OH, SNAP!

Some people will say that some of the things I have said here are excuses for greed. They are not. They are the truth. The scripture and the meaning of it is all right there. In the same way people tell partial truths or mix lies with it to create shame and force people to act, people often use the truth to justify their greed, and there is nothing that you or I can do about that- but that does not mean that we obscure the truth. It does not mean that we deny the truth.

But what do I know...I'm just another upper lower class/lower middle class college attending white kid clinging desperately to his iPod and trying to justify his 3 pairs of sneakers, right?

Now it's your turn. Open fire. Or don't...if you dare to agree with me.

Ben Stein Pwns Big Science in Documentary

One time as I was randomly using gmail- yay gmail!- A link to "Expelled- No Intelligence Allowed" popped up in one of the text based adds on the right that is context sensitive to what words you are typing. It's the coolest advertising thing I have seen thus far (coordinating adds with key words being typed), but that's all besides the point. On with the trailer!

Super Trailer

So...I'm really excited, as a Christian, a follower of Christ and a possible future scientist to see this movie. I hope that it won't be an overly limited release.

I also think it is funny that there is a "Ben Stein for president 2008" thing on the bottom, but to me that has nothing to do with the movie.

Sweat The Small Stuff

So here I am again, bent out of shape over the most stupid things. It really is quite ridiculous, how I give the enemy a foothold in the most infinitesimal, dumb things. Forgetting tax letters at home. The Patriots winning. Botched chords. Not hitting a note. Having to spontaneously do weird strum patterns on stage that were not at all done during practice. Spilled drinks. Stupid people. The way people drive. My binder of worship music magically disappearing into thin air. The devil seems to get a rise out of me every time. The Pointless Rage Parade is back in town, and I'm the first chump in line waving a baton (or maybe smashing it on the ground in frustration because I can't twirl it the way I would like :D).

I can't imagine what it must be like to be God having to deal with me all of the time. I might have the appearance of a mature or thoughtful person on the outside, and to a degree it is true. The problem is a lot of times the thoughts that breed in my head like so many wicked rabbits are ones of irritation and anger, not thoughts that are beneficial. I am so easily duped into getting angry at the most stupid of things. It really is quite pathetic, and I am having a lower and lower tolerance for this mental behavior in myself. I am sick and tired about being angry over dumb stuff, and angry over things that are not in my control. The Bible says do not worry- I don't worry. I just get mad. The only thing that I hate just as much or more than somebody being worried all of the time (get a grip!) is somebody being angry all the time (get a sense of perspective!). Both are a common experience with my family, and it really rubs off on me sometimes. Some would call what I'm doing self-deprecation. Well, there's some things about me that should be "deprecated." Starting with my ridiculously irritable mind. This anger is satanic, and when I deprecate it I'm deprecating satan and his foothold in my heart in the name of Jesus Christ. I indulge his urgings and respond to his prodding far too often.

I need to find a way to crush this under my heel once and for all, because as a follower of Christ this petty anger is beneath me. Some things I have had a permanent victory over in the name of Christ Jesus. Unrighteous anger is the next thing to go, I am really sick of it wasting my time and energy both acting it out and being impotently angry at it.

The problem is that some things that I am angry about are legitimate. Sometimes, anger is a legitimate feeling. God gets angry all of the time. The problem is that I don't know what to do with that anger. I get angry at injustice, and 10 times out of 10 the injustice is completely out of my hands. I get angry at lies, at disrespect, at many truly wrong things, but they are out of my hands. What am I supposed to do with this righteous anger? Ultimately, all it turns into is frustration because unlike God I do not have the capacity for infinite patience or grace, nor do I have the power to call down the thunder on people (metaphorically speaking, though sometimes I wish for that power, too). This frustration quickly degrades into impotent rage. Again, this is all "upstairs"- it is not a public anger that is ever acted upon.

However, there is power in the mind, and the mind matters greatly to the Lord. If that were not so, then lust in the heart would not be the same as adultery, and we could engage in all of the disgusting fantasies we wished without consequence to our souls. If bloody thoughts and hateful catechisms were not tantamount to murder, then no desire born out of seething rage would be too extreme. But these things are equal in God's sight, and are no different than the physical acts, except perhaps in the consequences.

What good is controlling my physical self in this world when I still defeat myself and allow the enemy to control me within? Change must occur from the inside out. James writes that the tongue, like the rudder of a ship steers the body; but the mind steers the tongue. The eyes are the window to the soul, and behind these panes a fire rages unchecked spreading from room to room, its tongues of flame licking greedily at everything God has built up in me. Unchecked, it will leave me a burnt out husk, a hollow man. Satan loves hollow people; there's plenty of room for him to move in when God's presence isn't there. The world is full of hollow people who have allowed themselves to be burned out from the inside, and have let all kinds of things haunt the ruins of their souls. I know a few of them.

It must be stopped, and God is the only one who can stop it. He is the only one with the living waters to quench the fire.

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death!? Thanks be to God- through Christ Jesus our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

A Glance at the True Self

Here's a strange question: Have you ever looked in the mirror and been able to see yourself objectively, as other people see you? I mean, there's the mug you're used to looking at every morning and when you're dressing up for an event, but have you ever had a split second moment where the you standing in front of the mirror isn't you and you're able to see the reflection in the mirror as a separate person? It's happened to me a couple of times. I have also spent some time staring at myself in the mirror (not recently, but when I was younger). If I let my pathetic excuse for facial hair grow out and then shave it a while later, I don't entirely recognize myself in the mirror (which is a really creepy feeling actually). I imagine that if I shaved my head and looked in the mirror I might not recognize myself there, either (and probably not for weeks).

Sometimes, you can get a glimpse of that in the spiritual sense, too. A friend of mine recently posted a quote from a book he finished called "Freedom of Simplicity" by Richard Foster on his blog. When I read it, it was like seeing myself objectively in the mirror again. Commentary in brackets is mine.

"This stage is one of great honesty and sincerity, but it is not yet true simplicity. 'Sincerity is a virtue below simplicity,' said Fenelon. The reason is easy to see. The sincere have a deep concern for honesty and truth. Rectitude, fidelity, conscientiousness, impeccability - these all mark the sincere. And although all of these are great virtues, they have a certain self-consciousness about them: a concern to do right, TO BE RIGHT [emphasis mine], to look right. Of the sincere, Fenelon says, 'They are always studying themselves, going over all their words and all their thoughts, and going back over all they have done, afraid of having said or done too much.' [so very true of me...especially now that I've written what is it, 4 massive notes now?]

The sincere are not yet simple. They have a kind of artificial rigor that makes us feel uncomfortable, though we cannot fault the virtue. They put us on edge and make us feel ill at ease. [This is something that I am totally blind to and need people to tell me about] This often concerns us because they seem so spiritual, so determined to know God. [I am :) ] We wonder if our discomfort stems from a resistance to God and his way. In reality, however, it is due to the fact that these deeply committed folk are trying too hard. [I'll get to that in a minute] They lack the ease, freedom, and naturalness that mark true interior simplicity. We would prefer less perfect people who are more at ease with themselves."

It seems to me that Foster has summed up my condition, and how I probably affect people better than I ever could.

I have one quibble with this guy's assessment (and it isn't directly of me, so I don't take it personally or anything like that). He says that I am trying too hard. I wish that I had this book so that I could look at this passage in context. Nevertheless, I am going to make lemonade out of lemons and try to address this. Here is my question: What does he mean by "trying too hard"? I could say that Paul, who went through quite a bit in his walk, "tried too hard". If that is what the author means, than there is something seriously wrong with that statement. Due to the context of the "trying too hard" thing in the passage, I am inclined to believe that he is saying that we can "try too hard" to want to know God. My tendency is to reject that notion. My whole life is devoted to "knowing" God. But even now semantics rears its ugly head. Does he mean "know" as in knowledge, or "know" the way the Bible says that "Adam knew Eve"? The former is impossible. We can never "know", in the scientific sense or understanding sense, God. However, in the sense of intimacy and love, we can know God, the way I know some of you who are my close friends. I can know what he wants and expects from me, what he thinks of me, what he desires. I know from scripture the desires of the Lord's heart, and they are all beautiful.

As I have said before, I will not apologize for loving or wanting to love, but my methods could always use improvement. And my attitude. The description above seems to have this overall sense of impatience. I think that this also is a great struggle of mine, and one that the Lord is trying to correct in me. Three times now a Psalm has been affirmed to me that God wants me to understand and follow. The first was in the previous note; the second was at a worship meeting at my friend Brian's house; the third time it came not through me but from my dear pastor Bo Matthews at Brandywine Valley Baptist Church this past Sunday. He told us a bit about his life story and confessed to having desires as a boy that are close to my heart now. In his teaching he covered Psalm 31 and linked that to how the Lord has guided his life with a very specific purpose and has also given him the desires of the heart he had as a young man. And he offered Psalm 31:24 as a comfort at the end. Well, that was it. I know what I am supposed to do now.

Looking at the Psalms, I realize that the Psalm the Lord lead me to and the one Bo quoted were actually two different ones, but with almost the same ending:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord"
Psalm 27:14 (What the Lord led me to)

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord"
Psalm 31:24 (What Bo used in his teaching)

Peace in Christ,

-David

You Can Lead a Horse to Water...

Having no current work has given me a lot of time to think, which often translates into these mile-long notes- and the next thing I have thought of after talking about all of this stuff regarding family is how I react to my Christian family that I have been placed in.

I find myself trying incredibly hard to get these Christian people to like me. For the first time, I have found people who I actually CARE what they think about me and try to constantly justify myself to them. I love my new family that God has placed me in, but I feel like there's a lot of catching up to do. I want people to know me. I want people to understand me. I want people to want to love me, not just because "God says so" but because I am actually a lovable person. Maybe I want to avoid grace as much as possible. That could be. But I also feel like being in this Christian family is like being a kid in a candy store for someone like me who wants to have deep and honest relationships. And so I spend a lot of energy try to explain myself and put myself out there through notes like this and so on. The problem is that I do things like this, I tell people that they are my friend and can come to me for anything, and nobody comes to me. Sometimes I am even told that I am so by another, and yet when something is wrong I am entrusted to nothing. This used to be a complaint, but now for me it's more a statement of fact than anything else, I've come to accept it.

So I've been going for a while now wondering why that is. I suspect there are reasons on the part of the recipient and also the sender (me).

The body of Christ is a family. Yet, there are a lot of people who do not treat it as such. I think one of the biggest problems here is that I think there are many people who do not see the body of Christ as a family. Perhaps they are afraid to become close to people because their first family was destroyed, or they were hurt by someone else they were in close fellowship to. Perhaps they are not saved and do not really know what it means to be bound to one another in the spirit, united by a love of God, each other and His purpose. Perhaps they already have friends and family and do not want for anything, and so they do not see addressing the church as a family as something that is necessary. They can afford to stand apart.

These people are no less of a problem than I am- because I have my own flaws. I am a person who loves zealously. That works GREAT for loving God- you can never love Him enough and he'll always accept your love- but people are a little different. I am a person who came into this fellowship here and got exactly what I wanted (hence the kid in a candy store example above). The thing is, some people need time to get close. Some people do not jump into the pool all at once (I do). I don't understand those people :D, but I have to accept the fact that that is how they react to this whole family thing. So, I think, when someone like me comes along writing mini-novels and tagging people with reckless abandon, I suspect that there are probably a few people who are turned off by that kind of behavior. Perhaps a couple of those people have been tagged in this note.

I can't change how people react. I can't change other people. I can pray for them- but I can't change them. So there is not much I can do about people who do not receive love or honesty well. I could probably write exhaustively (in the sense that it would probably exhaust the reader) about how they could fix that issue, but I feel right now that is not something that is my place to give a thorough treatment on. I will say that perhaps those people need to honestly look at themselves, see the fear and find a way to vanquish it...and we know from scripture that perfect love drives out fear. There is only one source of perfect love, and that is God. Therefore, when we are afraid, me must go to God and ask him to drive away our fears. That is a very convenient thing for somebody from my point of view to say, given that I'm usually the guy wanting his love to be accepted, but I will also say that I also have to accept that I may not necessarily be the person that the recipient needs to be close to.

What I can change is how I express my love to people. In a word, I need discernment. Instead of just...blasting people with love, I need to gauge whether or not a person can handle the amount of openness I'm going to give them. I also need to be patient, and not force the issue by giving them something they are not ready to handle. And, perhaps the most challenging thing for me, accept that there are some who will not love me to the degree that I love them. Ouch. Just saying that to me is like hugging a cactus or playing catch with a sea urchin. In many ways, this is like dealing with people who are not saved. Open engagement and debate, calling people out- a lot of times that shuts people down, causes them to lock up.

You can lead a horse to water...but you can't make it drink. That is something that I need to grasp and accept. Sometimes, it's a very difficult thing to do, because you love someone so much, but have to sit there and let them not allow themselves to be loved. A while ago, people tried to love me and I rejected them. I suspect that this caused them to wish that I would allow them to love me and help but I would not. How many people do you know that you wish with all of your being that they would accept Christ into their lives, but all you can do is wait? You can lead a horse to water...but you can't make it drink.

I will not apologize for wanting to be loved and to be known, but I will apologize if I have ever written things that, instead of helping you open up to being loved by your new family have caused you to shrink back instead. I apologize if I have ever made you wonder if you HAVE to share private things because I wish that you would reciprocate, or if I told you things you would rather not have known (the infamous "overshare"). I apologize if I have ever made myself seem uncaring about other people's needs and boundaries by throwing them things in their lap they did not want (i.e. giving you trust that you weren't ready for). I apologize if I have tried so hard to justify myself to you that I whipped the quills out like a porcupine even before you asked any questions. I do that not because I want to fight, but because I value your opinion so much that I do not want you to think I haven't thought things through or that am foolish (which I am anyway). If you are someone to whom these apologies were necessary and do not want me tagging you in notes anymore, please send me a private message saying so. The David Hynes Fan Club is a volunteer only organization, and I intend to keep it that way ;D .

To everyone else...thanks for accepting me in all of my desperate times of madness, and dealing with me in grace and love. Thank you for calling me out, and not putting up with my BS. Perhaps most of all, thank you for accepting my offerings of love. I will try not to make you regret it.

Peace in Christ,

-David

Cutting My Bloodlines- The Kingdom and The World

In this two-part series of notes I'm trying to get down to this issue: How do I deal with my family?

So far I have taken an honest look about how I feel about my family of "blood and marriage" and have found out some scary things about what I think and want. I want separation...bad. I also established that in coming here, I have been given a new family, the Kingdom of Heaven, my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. There now lies a tension between my two families: My family of the World and my family of the Kingdom.

I want to sweep aside my emotions and nettlesome thoughts and questions and really look at how GOD wants me to handle this thing. So I'm going to start with Scripture. I am finding out more and more that the Bible is a book of tensions, and that our faith is a balancing act.

The first thing I came across was 1 Timothy 5:3-4. I know the context isn't exactly right, because Paul is talking about taking care of widows, but he says this:

"But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God."

Furthermore, Jesus says in Mark 7:9-13 that "You have a fine way of setting aside the commandments of God in order to observe your own traditions! For Moses said 'Honor your father and mother,' and 'anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.' But you say that if a man says to his father or mother: 'Whatever help you might have received from me is Corban' (that is, a gift devoted to God), then you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother. Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down."

So what is being said in this scripture is that you should not abandon your family, but take care of them when they need help. That makes sense, and is something that I have been willing to do, though I am more the one in need than anyone else in the financial sense. However, aside from respecting your parents and family, the Bible seems to say little in the way of your proximity to them or involvement with them. There are also some other counterbalancing factors at work here:

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter in law against her mother in law- a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' " Matthew 10:34-36

Woah. Not your typical Christmas-ey holiday cheer explanation for Christ's birth, huh. But he keeps going-

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Matthew 10:37-39

This is an interesting and personal verse for me. I used to love my dad more than God for a very significant amount of time, and it has only been in the last few years of my life that I have learned to love God above all others. But this verse is basically saying to me that you have to put God and his calling first and above everything else. But God will not call you to leave your family- or would he?

"Peter said to him, 'We have left everything to follow you!'

'I tell you the truth,' Jesus replied, 'No one has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields- and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.' " Mark 10:28-31

"God sets the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6

I have found that those past two selections are very true. The fellowship I have received because of my faith has blessed me immensely more than even what I had before (which, I am going to be honest, never felt like much at all).

So, I suppose my question then should be, what am I being called to? Am I being called away from my family? My instincts say yes. I have been miraculously brought here to college (ask me to tell you the story some time), which is away from my family (sort of), and the Lord has clearly blessed it. I just checked my grades from this semester from my first helping of serious Geology classes, and I can see that I have been blessed there and also in my Chinese language course. I feel a desire to do missions work in China or Taiwan and while I have not yet received a direct affirmation of this goal, God has been answering my prayers to help me grasp the language, which is a sign to me it means something to him that I can speak the language. Or maybe God is allowing me to have the desires of my heart. I am not sure.

So if I am called away, I should go (and will go happily, because where I have gone in faith I have been blessed and loved). At the same time, I must give my family the respect they deserve and not abandon them when they need help. That seems fair. I think that my sensitivity regarding this issue really is that I want to be independent, I want to be a man who makes his own decisions and I want people to respect that. The next step of my life is that I leave my father and mother to become one flesh with someone else (Gen 2:24). I need to be able to do that, and I feel that escaping the gravity of my family is essential for that purpose. A lot of times I feel like a fly in a spider's web.

I think that the solution to this is that I become more patient. I think this goes back to the thing I have mentioned before: I'm looking ahead too much. Again.

So I think that I will finish this with scripture that seems particularly apt.

"I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
- Psalm 27:13-14

Peace in Christ,

-David

Cutting My Bloodlines- The Problem

The holidays, for the most part, are over. Today I have talked to some good friends who I haven't seen in a bit and am looking forward to seeing more. Uncertain as to what to do with myself, I experiment with my new wah pedal and in a delusion of grandeur driven by the euphoria I get from making cool new sounds with old chord progressions I imagine playing crazy funk music from the 70's. In the quiet after my distortion addled guitar playing slows down, my thoughts turn again to family, to this holiday time.

Like my first note about Friendship and the fear of losing it, this note is one that starts on the surface and cuts deeper and deeper...because I'm not interested in wasting people's time with all of the crap on the surface and the " 'Howdy David, How Are You Doing?' 'I'm doing just fine thank you very much' " type nonsense we spout endlessly to each other's faces while beneath it our secret concerns and fears writhe in our hearts like worms.

I have been troubled this holiday season. My definition of what a family is has been challenged. My love for my family has been challenged (by myself).

What is a family? The American Heritage Dictionary defines a family as

n. pl. fam·i·lies

1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

3. A group of like things; a class.

4. A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.

2. All the members of a household under one roof.

3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at collective noun.

4. Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.

5. A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.

1. A group of like things; a class.

2. A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.

What does the Scripture say about families? What are they?

Family is totally referenced to in the bloodline sense in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, Christ radically alters the idea of what a family is in Mark 3:31-34:

31Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you." 33"Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. 34Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! 35Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother."

There is another version of the same thing in Luke, the book of the Gospel my bible study has gone through recently (chapter 8 verse 20 or something like that). This definition has shaken me up and made me realize some things about how I feel regarding holidays and holiday breaks.

You see, I can't stand them (the holiday breaks). The reason has to do with what I see as a family. As I have been here at school, developing in close fellowship with many Brothers and Sisters in Christ, it has become ever apparent to me where my true family is and where my true home is. My home is here. My family is here. And when holidays and breaks come, my family goes away, and I am forced to spend time with strangers who do not know me or people I know all too well and would avoid were we not bound by blood or marriage. My actual family goes away and I am alone with this "real" one.

This realization of how I have felt on the inside and why it is I felt that way has strangely turned everything on its head to me. What is my "family" then, the one that I am bound to through marriages and blood? Are they people who I need no longer deal with? Some kind of vestigial appendix-like group of people who can be cut away and forgotten? Sometimes, I really wish it were true. Have you ever fantasized about being married and letting your significant other have his/her family there but totally no one from yours? I have. Ever thought about how great it would be to disappear, change your phone number, your address, you email, move somewhere far away, get married, and raise a family without anyone else in your blood family knowing? I have. If I ever have a partner, I dread the day of introducing her to my family. I don't want them to have anything to do with my family that I make. This isn't bragging. This isn't anything to be talking about to people publicly like this. This is sad. This shouldn't be how I think about my family, but God help me it is.

My family is a reminder of a past that I was all to eager to leave behind me when I went to college. When I went to school, I went eagerly, hoping that THIS time things would be finally different, the cords would be cut. In many ways I am disappointed and more than a little outraged that I cannot escape that cultural gravity that draws me back every year kicking, and screaming. And I'm a damn American! America, more than any country, is a place where families are very separate, but no, it's not enough for me. I couldn't imagine being from any other culture where family is EVERYTHING. I think I would truly go nuts if I had to go back to being close to my family all of the time. I'd wind up on the way to the loony bin in a straight jacket, foaming at the mouth as I went.

I had an epiphany even more jarring than my realization that what I have that most people call a "family" but is not actually my real family at all. It was the realization that my "family" of blood and marriage loves me in many ways, but in the case of many people I do not love them back. At all. That is a serious problem, from a practical standpoint as a human being who exists in a social network, but more importantly as a Christian who knows he is supposed to let the love of Christ shine.

I am not sure what to do about that. I mean, oh yes, there is the obvious "right" answer of seeing my family as an opportunity to show God's love and all of that. But I don't even want to BE there. I want to find every excuse I can to get the hell out of Dodge.

I am a very loyal person. I'm like a dog in human flesh as far as that is concerned, but like a dog I give my loyalty to the ones who feed me tasty table scraps and scratch me behind the ears. And nobody gives better food or scratches better than the family of heaven. Nobody. Keep in mind here I'm not talking about people just giving me what I want, but giving me what I need, which is love, so I guess my dog example wasn't perfect....or maybe it was, because my loyalty can be conditional. Anyway, when I go back to a place where people, frankly, suck at loving each other, it's no wonder that, like a dog, I want to get outta there and run away. There's a song by Audioslave called "Nothing Left To Say But Goodbye" that almost completely sums up my experience with Christians at college (and complements the dog metaphor):

ust like the rescue of a stray dog in the rain/ I was hungry when you found me/ You can tell by my tail and my rib cage/ what had once been around me"

"Bless your heart you gave me a home and a new start/ and I will leave you never/ sleep at your feet and stand guard at your front door/I will keep this together"

I thought I had dusted off the ashes of my ruined family and found something new, and I did. Anyway, as I have developed a new family here, I have been cutting my bloodlines, choking them off. My blood family is like a leg that has become gangrenous because I've been clamping off its blood flow in some mad attempt to have it removed, like one of those crazy people who thinks their life would be SO GREAT if they could just have X limb removed (yes, this is a mental disorder that actually exists).

I'm at a loss as to how I'm supposed to deal with this whole thing. Every holiday I walk away going, "Well thank God it's over and I can go back to school and ministry." Is that right? Is that OK? I don't know. But I'm going to keep digging deeper.

Even worse than this indecision and not knowing how to handle this whole problem is the questions it raises about me. These questions stem from this desire: I want to be a family man...

I'm a walking paradox, aren't I? And given all of my wonderful attitudes about family, what odds are you going to give me that, provided I ever have one, I'll be able to hold it together when it seems like I'm always looking for an Exit light? But I figure I'll do better than what my "family" has done. Every broken home survivor thinks that. I'm no different. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm like the next sucker who comes into America with a dream and the heart and will to make it happen but winds up scrubbing toilets for the rest of his life. I've seen it happen to people. It's ugly.

I'm going to excavate even deeper, though, because I feel that there is more to expose to the light. When (if) I have a family of my own, what does this attitude of mine towards my blood family mean? Does this mean that when people get screwed up, I walk away? Do I say "Screw this I'm out of here" and leave those people behind to rot, too? Where does the disownment stop? At what point do I stop being a reasonable guy who's trying to avoid the fallout and become a coward? Was this disownment of the heart OK in the first place, or am I being a coward now, too? Turn the other cheek. Stand up and fight. What do I do? I have completed my excavation of myself and THE question in its entirety that makes me afraid, the monolithic fear underneath all of it is this: WHAT IF I CAN'T STOP DISOWNING PEOPLE IN MY HEART, AND WORSE, WHAT IF I TRY TO DISOWN GOD?

Oh yeah. Now we're getting somewhere. The truth of my fears and my thoughts is like somebody that fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every stick on the way down.

This isn't over yet. I have a lot of work to do here. This is only the opening scene, the introduction of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (if you haven't seen that movie, do yourself a favor and ask me if you can borrow it ;D ). I still haven't worked out any answers, and I smell a sequel to this note coming at some point soon, the way you smell an oncoming thunderstorm in July that's knotted like a fist, purple like a bruise, rumbling like an earthquake, and flashing like a drawn sword. I'm not finished yet, I want answers and I'm going to get them.

...hopefully when I share them with you I won't be quite so melodramatic. If I know myself as well as I hope I do, I'll be writing the follow up very soon, because this is something I'm not going to let go.

Peace in Christ,

-David

The Daughters of the Lord

I am a man of little experience. This past year, I have had more experience with women than ever before.

In my experience, I have been surprised by something. I have learned that they, like me, have the same fears, but merely show them in different ways. I have learned that they, like me, can be stubborn and unwilling to accept grace. I have also learned that they can be wise, discerning, faithful, honest, good natured, patient, and full of the Holy Spirit. I have found that, in my sight, women are not that different from men. We all have the same needs. We all need love. We all need joy. The only difference lies in how we display our desires for them, and how we go about getting them.

I have been utterly blessed by your presence, and it is my hope that we (men) are a blessing to you. That is what I aspire to, and what I hope my Brothers in Christ who are with me aspire to. I want to thank the Sisters of Christ that I have in my life, who have shone the light of Christ in a brilliant display to me. Every night now for the past week, I have prayed "that I will be worthy of your daughters, Lord." That is not merely said for the pursuit of romance, but to be worthy of the precious few friends of mine who are women, to be worthy of the fellowship of those with whom I serve, and to be worthy of the presence of those I see on rare and blessed occasions.

This is my encouragement to all of my Sisters in Christ: Remain strong in your faith, because your influence goes farther than you know. Though many of you do not interact with me directly or often, my respect and reverence for women has only increased as I have been here, that is nothing less than a testament to all of you being the women that Christ has called you to be. When you pull back the veil and let the light of Christ shine, it travels without limitations. I know that this light has fallen on me from you as an outlet. I know of its presence from the sweet harmonies you sing to the Lord, your generosity, your outpouring of the spirit in prayer, your concern for others, your simple acts of kindness, your words of encouragement, your patience, your quiet endurance. When that light is on display, I can only describe it in the inadequate medium of words as "awesome".

Thank You. I am honored to stand by you in the Lord's Kingdom, you beautiful Daughters of Christ

The Souce of What I Thirst For

One thing after writing my previous note "The Fear of Separation" which struck me almost immediately was that I do not appreciate the friends that I have nearly to the degree I should. I am a lonely person by nature- by now I think it just goes with the territory of being me. But here I am, with more friends who I can go to and tell them ANYTHING about myself than I can count on tw- okay, one hand. Still. I am not nearsighted enough. Let me explain what I mean.

First of all, this "nearsightedness" and the idea of "sight" that I talk about in THIS note is in terms of friendships, love, and trying to perceive the future of those things, not anything else. God wants me to be nearsighted. He does not want me to be concerned for the future. The future is God's business, and is His to know and to mold. The present is where I must keep my eyes fixed. Here I, as David Hynes have access to more love than many lonely people on this Earth, and yet I cannot appreciate it. It is because my eyes are fixed on the future. Here I sit, wringing my hands about questions like "Who will love me?" "How many friends will I have left here in 2 years when everyone is gone but me?" "Should I start making younger friends so that when the older ones are gone I will still have some?" and of course, the most nagging and personal question of all (for me) "Will I ever have a family?," or to go dangerously deeper down that rabbit hole: "Am I lovable enough that someone will want to start one with me?" All of these questions are far-sighted, and cause unnecessary worry, trouble, and make me miss the point of what I am receiving now.

But I do more than ask questions. I want guarantees. Documents in writing that I won't be left out in the cold. I think that while I do truly love those good friends I have, I am indeed also a man who keeps a careful tally, a bean counter of love, so to speak. I tally what I have like rice on a scale, and with nervous hands and suspicious eyes horde them jealously. And when a single grain slips between my fingers and falls into a crack in the floor where I cannot reach, up goes my accusatory finger in some vaguely heavenward direction asking bitterly where the promises of love are. I am jealous of the World (and God) when they take my friends from me, and I am not willing to part with anyone. I am greedy for it. The Lord says that we are thirsty, and it is so true with me. I am thirsty with reckless abandon, like a man driven mad by thirst in a desert place.

I think that I must come to understand something. Why is it that I cannot stand to be parted with my Brothers and Sisters in Christ? Why is it I fear their loss and separation? I think that now I know. It is because the light and the love of Christ is in such a brilliant display in them, that here on Earth the love of God becomes real, though it is disguised in the form of another human like me. That love and that grace, the living waters that the Lord offers which they have within them, I want more, more, MORE! But instead of recognizing where this love, this water comes from, and going straight to the source, I only see it coming from and therefore only demand it of people. The Lord talks about giving water to those who are thirsty. I go to these people who have it and try to get it from them. And so when they go away, or do not respond to the demands, I feel like I am left destitute. My thirst is not slaked. And my "crazy thirsty guy in the desert" trend continues.

Now that I understand this, I must not make this mistake of going to the carriers of this water. My error is that I am relying on people to show me the love that God gives, and not on God. I am missing the point. The point of the love which we display is to point people to Christ. Ohmygosh, another connection. The woman at the well in one of the Gospels (Mark? Luke?) says that she wants the water Christ says that he has. And now with us having Christ within us, other people will see it and ask...and we point to Him. Simple, but I think I just caught that. And Christ pointed to himself at the time because get this...He was the only one at that point who had that water, AND he also happened to be the source. Now we have it, and when people see it and want it we point them towards the source. I know I know, it's like pointing out that birds have wings, I mean duh, congrats on figuring out what our job is on Earth, right? But I still am amazed by it anyway.

I must go to the source of this water, this love that I thirst for. I must, instead of asking for and expecting more of those who show Christ's love and grace, thank the Lord that He is so awesome that His love is made manifest in our corrupt flesh, that he pours his waters out on all who go to Him. I need only to see the source of what I desire, and go to Him. Then I can stop all the "tearing my hair out because I don't know why I am surrounded by love but can't FEEL it or have any of it" nonsense that I think has been going on with me for a while now.

Really, is so funny how we struggle with the most fundamental things of our faith. You think I'd be able to grasp the concept by now...

Okay, now for a totally irrelevant tangent. I am now going to totally geek out on the whole "Christ in all Christians" thing. What I am about to say reminds me of all of the "Batman vs. Superman" debates... [Commence Geeking Out] I think this is why I like Easter way more than Christmas. God coming in the form of one person's flesh is Awesome- but God residing in that of all who follow Him? That's Crazy Awesome on a magnitude we can scarcely comprehend. The immaculate conception was a parlor trick by comparison. When the devil realized what God had done, that he had multiplied Christ to a staggering degree, he must have been horrified. It'd be like playing a football game and then all of the sudden the fans in the stands start running on-field and messing up your game plan. Or, in a somewhat ironic twist of an example (this one will get your concept of good an evil scrambled!), when Neo has to fight off a million Agent Smiths in The Matrix: Reloaded, because he destroyed the one Agent Smith in the first movie. In fact, that's pretty much exactly what it is like. There are so many of us at this point, all in Christ's likeness, that the enemy is overwhelmed. So if there is one thing you can take away from this note, it is that Agent Smith= Jesus/Us Allowing Christ to Act Through Us :D (I sincerely hope that is not all you learned...). God is so cool. The Holy Spirit is so cool. [End Geek Out]

As usual, thanks for listening. Be blessed with the Peace of Christ as you live your lives for Him. Work as though unto the Lord in your finals and stuff. Don't be lazy like me, writing Facebook Notes when I should be reviewing Chinese...!