A Whole New War

I want to, in the beginning, ask for patience on the reader’s part. First and foremost, this is because a human is attempting to convey the knowledge of the Living God, and this is hard to do without allowing one’s flesh to interfere. The second reason I ask for patience is because I want the reader to understand that there are two extremes that will be evident to you as you read this (I hope). The beginning part and the majority of this argues against the extreme of denying the spiritual gifts, but that DOES NOT mean that the other extreme of pursuing solely the gifts will not be addressed, or that I remain unaware of it. I am only human, and cannot say things simultaneously, so something had to come first :) . So, without further ado…

A Whole New War

We are in the midst of a whole new war. Can you not see the glint of spears and armor? Can you not see tattered banners fluttering in the baleful whirlwind of conflict? Do you know that there are legions that clash among us? We are in a whole new war. Paul says in Ephesians that we war “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12). This is a radical war- it is unlike any war ever fought in the universe. It is a war of spirit, a war of truth, a war of love and revelation. It is not a war that can be fought with the weapons of this Earth, but in the end it will conquer it.

In the coming times, we must rouse ourselves from being asleep at our posts and take up the arms with which we are meant to take up entrusted. No more will we cower in fear of our sinful nature, or the past that follows behind us like a shadow, for Christ’s light has banished it from our presence. No more will we cower from lies and threats, both subtle and overt; we will be humble in our acceptance of grace but be bold and ferocious in our authority, for we have become more than just slaves, but have become Sons and Daughters, co-heirs to Christ, and that is born witness by His presence in every one of us. Christ is the supreme authority, and therefore the authority resides within us. When the enemy challenges you and demands on what basis you stand up and give a bold word and strike a blow against his works, tell him you do so by the authority of Christ within you. We are not called to be humble to Satan, but to one another. Humility has its place, as boldness has its place. So in this battle against the evil one, let us be without humility because we owe him no measure of our Lord’s grace, and there is no debt of love to illness, or to demonic oppressors, or to bittersweet lies, but only an outstanding debt of love to one another.

No more should we fear to become like those who take up their arms and instead of fighting alongside the Lord use them for tyranny of people’s souls and betrayal. No soldier throws down his weapon because his fellow has betrayed and fears he will be a betrayer himself! Each man knows in his heart what his intentions are. They are either for the Lord or they are not. Therefore, we must not fear to take up our arms because of someone else’s false intentions. Those who drop their weapons in fear in the midst of a battle are cut down mercilessly, and our enemies are peerless in their blood lust; they give no quarter to the unarmed, and savor cutting the scions of man down without a fight. The scripture says that the enemy is a roaring lion seeking men to devour.

Each one of us has been brought up in this lifetime to wield these weapons in the battle that rages around us; to bring ruination to the works of the enemy with powerful prayers, to mount a stubborn defense with insurmountable faith, to coordinate the fight with key decisions given by wisdom, to instruct and inform through knowledge, to restore the wounded with healing, to glorify our commander through miraculous works, to recruit new warriors into this battle and to send them off with understanding and prophetic words of direction, to see clearly through the distracting haze of the physical and clearly see the spirits of the heavenly realms.

These weapons are not a part of us, any more than a sword or a bow or a staff is a part of our bodies; they have been forged in the Father’s hands out of his Spirit and are given to us according to His will. Each weapon is an aspect of Him who is in us, and through us these weapons are wielded with terrible power. We are given our orders to go to the battlefront, each and every one of us, to wield these weapons we have been handed. With them we train and become strong, and in time they become familiar to our hands. To some one weapon is given which they hone to graceful, deadly perfection and a singular lifelong purpose; to others an arsenal is given, for they are called to many places in the battle line, each weapon more suited than another for the fight at hand. But to each one, the armory remains open, and should anyone be poorly matched against the enemy or an opportunity be opened to a specific one, there is not a weapon that cannot be taken and used in God’s name. Never will you be unable to pray powerfully for a man’s healing. Never will you, in the absence of wisdom lack for a chance for powerful insight. Never will miracles of provision be beyond your reach. Never will prophetic words of knowledge be too secret for you to hear. All that is required is the faith to use them, and that you use them in accordance with the Lord’s leading and timing. Not every person is skilled with every weapon, but every person is lead to see it and its use in the basic sense; for a soldier who does not understand every weapon available at his or her disposal can be defeated when in a situation that calls for something unexpected; improvisation is key on a battlefield which is always in a state of flux. Has there ever been a soldier on the battlefront who declared a day in the fighting was “business as usual”? What soldier trained in the use of bows will refrain from taking up an unfamiliar staff when the enemy is too close? Who will not pick up the staff simply because he is unfamiliar with it allow himself to be cut down? Which should we be more concerned of, our ineptness with a weapon or our destruction if we do not take it up and fight? The answer seems clear enough. If we allow the enemy to take us and other people out spiritually, then that is tome not spent doing good for His kingdom. In some cases, it could be permanent.

In our training and closeness with our weapon, we should not grow in arrogance and be assured of our superiority. For even though each weapon is mighty in its own right, how can one be compared in greatness to another? What soldier on Earth hates to hear the sound of friendly cavalry arriving for the decisive charge? Though the knight serves a different purpose, how can he have contempt for the men on foot, who are needed to stay the course when the fighting is thick and close? We must not deride others for their gifts and their place on the battlefield. Each is given what he has according to God’s design, and shouldn’t chasten one for carrying a weapon they do not understand. This is why understanding of each gift is so critical, so that each soldier will have respect for the other and recognize the other’s legitimate place on the battlefield. We are assigned to our place on the battlefront with a purpose, and each man’s purpose is according to God’s will. This is very clearly laid out in 1 Corinthians 12.

There is another key thing that we must have in this battle, and that is the Armor of God. A soldier will not last long on the battlefield without armor to protect himself from the rigors of combat. Paul clearly spells out what these components are in Ephesians 6:13-17:

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Now that last one is interesting. I have been talking about arming yourself with weapons- and here Paul talks about how the Word of God is a weapon literally (which kind of places what he specifically says is a weapon above mine, if we are going to be technical about it). So at the least, we know that the word is a weapon. That is without a doubt true- but it is not the sole weapon we are meant to handle. Paul says that “we should eagerly desire the spiritual gifts” in 1 Corinthians 14.

So which, then is our weapon? The answer is both. The weapon of scripture, our sword, is always available to everyone. The advantage of scripture as a weapon lies in its concrete nature, and that it does not require much faith to wield- reading a book does not require strong faith. But we are called to live lives of faithfulness, and we must take up the responsibility of searching for and training in the use of our gifts. He goes on to say that these gifts should be used in an orderly way, and that is right; each weapon has its own specific application and purpose, and should be used at appropriate points. Archers do not open fire en masse when the battle is joined so that they don’t slay their friends in the melee. Each Christian should know the appropriate and timely application of his or her gift, or begin to learn to discern when that is. The Word is always necessary, but not always useful; it many ways the Word is like a short sword that every man carries at his side as a backup. Everyone from knights to archers all usually carry a short sword at their side, a weapon that is readily available to every soldier. In some cases, this weapon is not appropriate, or is one we are not trained well in, or to a degree are meant to. For which is the archer trained, in the use of his bow or in the use of his sword? Which ability is more important for his use on the battlefield? Why would he be commissioned a bow if it were unimportant? But there are some soldiers whose sole purpose is to use the sword, and that is their primary weapon entirely. Some people wield scripture better than others, that is the nature of things. But it does not take away from its usefulness or accessibility. Like all gifts, the Word should be used when one is most appropriately lead. We have all heard of the infamous “Bible bashing”. I in my love for scripture am sometimes guilty of it myself. The scripture is not always the direct solution.

Of course, all of these things are good and well. The powers and gifts we not only should use, but must use in order to be as effective as possible. We must understand that some are given many gifts, and others few, and some this kind and others that, but all are for a good purpose. We know that equally important is development of character that creates a thick and sturdy defense against the temptations and attacks of the enemy. But all of these things are meaningless in the end if there are not driven by love. Paul famously writes in 1 Corinthians 13 that:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

No matter what you are doing- performing spiritual gifts in Christ’s name, performing acts of service, teaching through scripture, it doesn’t matter. God is Love. And if we have not Love (and therefore God) it is nothing. In all that you do, ensure that it points back to Christ in you. It does not have to be directly stated- but it must be made understood in some way, that love is what has driven whatever it is that you are doing. If it is not, then draw near to the Lord and it will be so.

Whatever your stance is on this, do not fall prey to fear. Some fear that if they pursue the gifts, it will be over a cliff and to their on destruction, that they will forget their first love. Others fear that they will be stripped of the Lord’s presence and what special things he has in store for them. Neither of those people must heed those fears, but heed the Lord and his scripture, and its example.

So, then, my brothers, my sisters in arms…go, seek your gifts, use your gifts, be sure that your armor is secure, and do both in Love!

I want to offer a special thanks for this note- it is inspired from the writings of Paul in 1 Corinthians 12/Ephesians 6 and also from Jason Upton’s song “Lion of Judah” from “Between Earth and Sky”.

Let the Lion of Judah roar from Zion and shake nations to their knees!

Amen Lord, shake up this world.

Humanism, Christianity, and the Poor

A pre-note comment: I don't expect too many people here to agree with me. I expect to be misunderstood, and maybe even disliked for what I am about to say, because it isn't popular with all of the humanism prevalent in the church nowadays. I expect to be called selfish, burgeoise, someone trying to justify the flesh. But I'm going to let this one fly...because I feel it is the right thing to do. My God tells me to be bold...so that's what I'm going to be.

On with the note.


I walked away this Friday incredibly disappointed. It's amazing how I spent literally 90% of the time not even there at IV large group, on the couch in the lounge down the hall. I read Colossians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Philipians (though I read Philipians rather quickly), and was starting to read Hebrews/Titus before I went and took a peek at what was going on inside. The point of that last sentence not serving to glorify me in some way for doing what every Christian should (read scripture) but just to let people in on what I had just come from doing when I showed up at large group towards the end.

Just going in to see things for a few minutes brought me down. It was some movie/interview of the author of some book called the Irresistible Revolution...I forget his name...anyway, they were talking about the poor and such. It got me mad- but not in maybe the way most would expect. I didn't rage against injustice, or want to tear my leather jacket apart in disgust- I got mad because I feel like there is this continual effort to shame people who are white, or people who have more than others, or people who are more educated. I remain unrepentant for being white, getting a college education and not serving in a soup kitchen every weekend, and that makes me a bad guy. There's a lot of reasons why I'm unrepentant, however. The little snippet of the movie I watched gave me plenty of reasons not to submit myself to this guy's message.

The first thing that was talked about was statistics...I hate statistics. They are almost invariably twisted to be seen in an extreme way. One of the ones raised directly by the author himself was that 86% of Christians believe Jesus spent a lot of time with the poor and yet less than 1% of Christians actually do...where the did they get that statistic from? How many Christians in America who call themselves such actually act on their faith anyway? Did they bother to interview any non-American Christians (you know, like the ones in poor countries around the world)? What about poor Christians? Did they interview those? How did you define "Christian" when you interviewed/questionnaired people? What kind of Christians did they interview? Where was the area of people that you interviewed? All of the Christians with phones to call or something, who also happen to live in America, the richest country in the world, where the line between "rich" and "poor" is incredibly hazy? There's another statistic that got brought up in the fall (or maybe I got it from somewhere else)- If I recall it correctly, it says that if you own a car you're in the top 5% richest in the world. I know a lot of desperate people in this country who own cars.

How would I have been able to answer that question? I would consider myself to be poor. Others would consider me to be rich. Unfortunately, I'm just rich enough to have a roof over my head and to be in college and just poor enough that I start to sweat and pray at the end of the month when rent money is due (or when the University starts asking for tuition money while holding my registration hostage). Just rich enough to be accused of inaction and insensitivity and just poor enough to feel ticked about it. How do you ask a person like me "if I have ever been around poor people" when I consider myself to be one?

The thing that made my gut turn was when this author guy goes and dumps loose change on Wall Street for the beggars to pick up, saying "this money belongs to them." If I were going to give a man money, I wouldn't make him crawl on the ground and scrounge for it, that's the most sick thing I've ever seen. Last I checked, most soup kitchens serve people at a table with silverware, they don't make them slurp it off of the floor. I would serve him quietly and humbly as I have served homeless people in the past when I lacked boldness to talk to them (which, I will admit, is my failure). I would rather pray for that man than blast a megaphone at deaf ears and dump change on the ground and do empty righteous things hiding behind the name of Love. The man marched around and had people stand with signs that say "love" on them but where is the "IN CHRIST" at the end?

But since we are Christians and should base our tantrums and "opinions" in scripture, I might as well go through the scripture and gospels systematically. The first thing I ran into was the Beatitudes. In their continuation in Matthew chapter 6, Christ says:

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward before your father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets [that megaphone sure looked like a trumpet], as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

When justifying himself to John who was in chains, among other things Christ said "and the good news is preached to the poor." He did NOT say "and the poor have become comfortable and well-adjusted." The good news is preached to the poor to give them hope in their poverty. He was speaking straight to the poor when he said, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

When Christ fed the five thousand men and the four thousand men and their families, he fed them because he was responsible and had brought them into a wild place where they could not get food (most notably in the second instance). Also note that Christ used a miracle to feed these people- he used it as an opportunity to display God's almighty power.

In the movie, they talk about the really uneven distribution of wealth in the world...what the in the Lord's name does that have to do with Christ. Christ never went to a beggar and said "here's a dime" or "rejoice, for the rich will surely give you some of their wealth". He went to beggars and said "Your sins are forgiven" and "Your faith has made you well" and "You are healed" and "Get up and walk". I hate how people harp on the rich and say all of this stuff about rich people, camels, and the eyes of needles. Here's a little statistic for you: If 2% of the world is rich and 98% of the world is poor like the statistics say, why are we browbeating the rich so much when the other 98% aren't getting the message they need, hmm? Someone must minister to the rich and urge them towards Christ so that they are then driven to compassion for the less fortunate by the Holy Spirit. The problem is in the way that the rich are addressed. When you evangelize, you meet people where they are. It would make more sense to me if the now incredibly rich author of “The Purpose Driven Life” were to come to me talking about altruism and acted on it, not somebody pretending to be poor.

What Jesus said is true. It IS easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. What people forget is that this also applies to EVERYONE. If that were not true, then Jesus would have been handing out money to the poor, not salvation and grace. We are all equally guilty. Christ had it right; he centered his ministry on the things that mattered: People's physical health (to display the power of God) and mental health (also to display the power of God by driving out demons), and the condition of their hearts, their state before the Judge, which are eternally important things. Not their comforts.

Christ was not addressing the rich man's richness for the poor man's sake when he told the rich man to get rid of his possessions. He was addressing the rich man's richness for the rich man's sake, for the rich man to be saved! Hopefully somebody is following me on this. In the books of the New Testament, in 1 Timothy Paul charges Timothy to be careful about what widows he supports in their poverty and what ones he does not. In the same letter, Paul tells Timothy that the women should not dress richly (2:9-10) and later says that men in the church should not be "lovers of money" (3:3). Paul says in 2 Timothy that there will be people in the end times who, "have a form of godliness but denying its power" (3:5). THAT is Humanism, my dear brothers and sisters. Be wary of doing righteous acts but denying the power of God and the Holy Spirit by not following them FIRST. Otherwise, we become hollow and everything we do is meaningless in the end. Don't be driven by the desire to do good; be driven by your love for God and out of a compulsion to conform yourselves to our Lord Jesus Christ. Repent of Humanistic attitudes and remember who has the power in your life, and who drives you towards salvation.

Here’s another Biblical curveball: In Matthew 26:6-13 a woman pours a bottle of pure nard, worth an immense amount of money (over a year’s worth of wages) on Christ’s head. Some chasten her, saying it is a waste, that the money from selling that bottle could have gone to the poor. Then Christ says something surprising: “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” Wow. What a selfish jerk that Jesus guy was for letting a $21,000 bottle of oil (the average layman’s yearly wage in the US, according to yesterday’s movie) be dumped on his head instead of giving the money to the poor.

What I am saying in all of this is:

Care for the poor. Do not flaunt your wealth if you have it. Give cheerfully, and generously. Do not give preferential treatment to the rich (James 2:1-13). Do not be hard on the poor under you and oppress them (James 5:4-6). And, finally, if you have not done these things DO NOT CONDEMN YOURSELF FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVE NOT DONE, AND DO NOT ACCEPT CONDEMNATION FROM ANY MAN FOR IT. Conviction serves to lift you up and set you firm in Christ. Condemnation serves to cripple you with shame and force you to become a giver, a slave to the law, regardless of the condition of your heart.

When Christ admonishes the rich church of Laodicea in Revelations, he does not chasten them for their richness, but their ATTITUDE in their richness: "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' " Christ later tells them "I counsel you to buy gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; white clothes to wear so that you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see."

Therefore, we are not meant to be ashamed of wealth, but ashamed of a bad attitude developed in wealth. We must be tested- "But He knows the way I take; when he has tested me I will come forth as gold" (Job 23:10). We must put on righteousness- "Rather, clothe yourselves in Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Rom 13:14). We must have our eyes opened to scripture and to what God is doing, through prayer and the Holy Spirit. This is what the rich must do. Coincidentally, these things are things which all believers, rich and poor, must do in Christ.

Here is another verse about what we have: “Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)

Let me bring up another verse that will blow your mind after listening to that guy last night. Paul writes in 1 Timothy:

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

Did Paul and the writer of Ecclesiastes (Solomon?) just tell me that my (relatively) comfortable life is OK as long as I don't abandon my pursuit of Christ for gratuitous and unnecessary riches?! OH, SNAP!

Some people will say that some of the things I have said here are excuses for greed. They are not. They are the truth. The scripture and the meaning of it is all right there. In the same way people tell partial truths or mix lies with it to create shame and force people to act, people often use the truth to justify their greed, and there is nothing that you or I can do about that- but that does not mean that we obscure the truth. It does not mean that we deny the truth.

But what do I know...I'm just another upper lower class/lower middle class college attending white kid clinging desperately to his iPod and trying to justify his 3 pairs of sneakers, right?

Now it's your turn. Open fire. Or don't...if you dare to agree with me.

Ben Stein Pwns Big Science in Documentary

One time as I was randomly using gmail- yay gmail!- A link to "Expelled- No Intelligence Allowed" popped up in one of the text based adds on the right that is context sensitive to what words you are typing. It's the coolest advertising thing I have seen thus far (coordinating adds with key words being typed), but that's all besides the point. On with the trailer!

Super Trailer

So...I'm really excited, as a Christian, a follower of Christ and a possible future scientist to see this movie. I hope that it won't be an overly limited release.

I also think it is funny that there is a "Ben Stein for president 2008" thing on the bottom, but to me that has nothing to do with the movie.

Sweat The Small Stuff

So here I am again, bent out of shape over the most stupid things. It really is quite ridiculous, how I give the enemy a foothold in the most infinitesimal, dumb things. Forgetting tax letters at home. The Patriots winning. Botched chords. Not hitting a note. Having to spontaneously do weird strum patterns on stage that were not at all done during practice. Spilled drinks. Stupid people. The way people drive. My binder of worship music magically disappearing into thin air. The devil seems to get a rise out of me every time. The Pointless Rage Parade is back in town, and I'm the first chump in line waving a baton (or maybe smashing it on the ground in frustration because I can't twirl it the way I would like :D).

I can't imagine what it must be like to be God having to deal with me all of the time. I might have the appearance of a mature or thoughtful person on the outside, and to a degree it is true. The problem is a lot of times the thoughts that breed in my head like so many wicked rabbits are ones of irritation and anger, not thoughts that are beneficial. I am so easily duped into getting angry at the most stupid of things. It really is quite pathetic, and I am having a lower and lower tolerance for this mental behavior in myself. I am sick and tired about being angry over dumb stuff, and angry over things that are not in my control. The Bible says do not worry- I don't worry. I just get mad. The only thing that I hate just as much or more than somebody being worried all of the time (get a grip!) is somebody being angry all the time (get a sense of perspective!). Both are a common experience with my family, and it really rubs off on me sometimes. Some would call what I'm doing self-deprecation. Well, there's some things about me that should be "deprecated." Starting with my ridiculously irritable mind. This anger is satanic, and when I deprecate it I'm deprecating satan and his foothold in my heart in the name of Jesus Christ. I indulge his urgings and respond to his prodding far too often.

I need to find a way to crush this under my heel once and for all, because as a follower of Christ this petty anger is beneath me. Some things I have had a permanent victory over in the name of Christ Jesus. Unrighteous anger is the next thing to go, I am really sick of it wasting my time and energy both acting it out and being impotently angry at it.

The problem is that some things that I am angry about are legitimate. Sometimes, anger is a legitimate feeling. God gets angry all of the time. The problem is that I don't know what to do with that anger. I get angry at injustice, and 10 times out of 10 the injustice is completely out of my hands. I get angry at lies, at disrespect, at many truly wrong things, but they are out of my hands. What am I supposed to do with this righteous anger? Ultimately, all it turns into is frustration because unlike God I do not have the capacity for infinite patience or grace, nor do I have the power to call down the thunder on people (metaphorically speaking, though sometimes I wish for that power, too). This frustration quickly degrades into impotent rage. Again, this is all "upstairs"- it is not a public anger that is ever acted upon.

However, there is power in the mind, and the mind matters greatly to the Lord. If that were not so, then lust in the heart would not be the same as adultery, and we could engage in all of the disgusting fantasies we wished without consequence to our souls. If bloody thoughts and hateful catechisms were not tantamount to murder, then no desire born out of seething rage would be too extreme. But these things are equal in God's sight, and are no different than the physical acts, except perhaps in the consequences.

What good is controlling my physical self in this world when I still defeat myself and allow the enemy to control me within? Change must occur from the inside out. James writes that the tongue, like the rudder of a ship steers the body; but the mind steers the tongue. The eyes are the window to the soul, and behind these panes a fire rages unchecked spreading from room to room, its tongues of flame licking greedily at everything God has built up in me. Unchecked, it will leave me a burnt out husk, a hollow man. Satan loves hollow people; there's plenty of room for him to move in when God's presence isn't there. The world is full of hollow people who have allowed themselves to be burned out from the inside, and have let all kinds of things haunt the ruins of their souls. I know a few of them.

It must be stopped, and God is the only one who can stop it. He is the only one with the living waters to quench the fire.

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death!? Thanks be to God- through Christ Jesus our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

A Glance at the True Self

Here's a strange question: Have you ever looked in the mirror and been able to see yourself objectively, as other people see you? I mean, there's the mug you're used to looking at every morning and when you're dressing up for an event, but have you ever had a split second moment where the you standing in front of the mirror isn't you and you're able to see the reflection in the mirror as a separate person? It's happened to me a couple of times. I have also spent some time staring at myself in the mirror (not recently, but when I was younger). If I let my pathetic excuse for facial hair grow out and then shave it a while later, I don't entirely recognize myself in the mirror (which is a really creepy feeling actually). I imagine that if I shaved my head and looked in the mirror I might not recognize myself there, either (and probably not for weeks).

Sometimes, you can get a glimpse of that in the spiritual sense, too. A friend of mine recently posted a quote from a book he finished called "Freedom of Simplicity" by Richard Foster on his blog. When I read it, it was like seeing myself objectively in the mirror again. Commentary in brackets is mine.

"This stage is one of great honesty and sincerity, but it is not yet true simplicity. 'Sincerity is a virtue below simplicity,' said Fenelon. The reason is easy to see. The sincere have a deep concern for honesty and truth. Rectitude, fidelity, conscientiousness, impeccability - these all mark the sincere. And although all of these are great virtues, they have a certain self-consciousness about them: a concern to do right, TO BE RIGHT [emphasis mine], to look right. Of the sincere, Fenelon says, 'They are always studying themselves, going over all their words and all their thoughts, and going back over all they have done, afraid of having said or done too much.' [so very true of me...especially now that I've written what is it, 4 massive notes now?]

The sincere are not yet simple. They have a kind of artificial rigor that makes us feel uncomfortable, though we cannot fault the virtue. They put us on edge and make us feel ill at ease. [This is something that I am totally blind to and need people to tell me about] This often concerns us because they seem so spiritual, so determined to know God. [I am :) ] We wonder if our discomfort stems from a resistance to God and his way. In reality, however, it is due to the fact that these deeply committed folk are trying too hard. [I'll get to that in a minute] They lack the ease, freedom, and naturalness that mark true interior simplicity. We would prefer less perfect people who are more at ease with themselves."

It seems to me that Foster has summed up my condition, and how I probably affect people better than I ever could.

I have one quibble with this guy's assessment (and it isn't directly of me, so I don't take it personally or anything like that). He says that I am trying too hard. I wish that I had this book so that I could look at this passage in context. Nevertheless, I am going to make lemonade out of lemons and try to address this. Here is my question: What does he mean by "trying too hard"? I could say that Paul, who went through quite a bit in his walk, "tried too hard". If that is what the author means, than there is something seriously wrong with that statement. Due to the context of the "trying too hard" thing in the passage, I am inclined to believe that he is saying that we can "try too hard" to want to know God. My tendency is to reject that notion. My whole life is devoted to "knowing" God. But even now semantics rears its ugly head. Does he mean "know" as in knowledge, or "know" the way the Bible says that "Adam knew Eve"? The former is impossible. We can never "know", in the scientific sense or understanding sense, God. However, in the sense of intimacy and love, we can know God, the way I know some of you who are my close friends. I can know what he wants and expects from me, what he thinks of me, what he desires. I know from scripture the desires of the Lord's heart, and they are all beautiful.

As I have said before, I will not apologize for loving or wanting to love, but my methods could always use improvement. And my attitude. The description above seems to have this overall sense of impatience. I think that this also is a great struggle of mine, and one that the Lord is trying to correct in me. Three times now a Psalm has been affirmed to me that God wants me to understand and follow. The first was in the previous note; the second was at a worship meeting at my friend Brian's house; the third time it came not through me but from my dear pastor Bo Matthews at Brandywine Valley Baptist Church this past Sunday. He told us a bit about his life story and confessed to having desires as a boy that are close to my heart now. In his teaching he covered Psalm 31 and linked that to how the Lord has guided his life with a very specific purpose and has also given him the desires of the heart he had as a young man. And he offered Psalm 31:24 as a comfort at the end. Well, that was it. I know what I am supposed to do now.

Looking at the Psalms, I realize that the Psalm the Lord lead me to and the one Bo quoted were actually two different ones, but with almost the same ending:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord"
Psalm 27:14 (What the Lord led me to)

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord"
Psalm 31:24 (What Bo used in his teaching)

Peace in Christ,

-David